佚名/Anonymous
She was foul years old when I first met her. She was carrying a bowl of soup. She had very, very fine golden hair and a little pink shawl around her shoulders. I was 29 at the time and suffering from the flu. Little did I realize that this little lady was going to change my life?
Her mom and I had been friends for many years. Eventually that friendship grew into care;from care into love, to marriage, and marriage brought the three of us together as a family. At first I was awkward because in the back of my mind, I thought I would be stuck with the dreaded label of“stepfather.”And stepfathers were somehow mythically, or in a real sense, ogres as well as an emotional wedge in the special relationship between the child and the biological father.
Early on I tried hard to make a natural transition from bachelorhood to fatherhood. A year and a half before we married, I took an apartment a few blocks away from their home. When it became evident that we would marry, I tried to spend time to enable a smooth changeover from friend to father figure. I tried not to become a wall between my future daughter and her natural father. Still I longed to be something special in her life.
Over the years, my appreciation for her grew. Her honesty, sincerity and directness were mature beyond her years. I knew that within this child lived a very giving and compassionate adult. Still, I lived in the fear that someday, when I had to step in and be a disciplinarian, I might have it thrown in my face that I wasn't her“real”father. If I wasn't real, why would she have to listen to me?My actions became measured. I was probably more lenient than I wanted to be. I acted in that way in order to be liked, all the time living out a role I felt I had to live-thinking I wasn't good enough or worthy enough on my own terms.
During the turbulent teenage years, we seemed to drift apart emotionally. I seemed to lose control（or at least the parental illusion of control）.She was searching for her identity and so was I.I found it increasingly hard to communicate with her. I felt a sense of loss and sadness because I was getting further from the feeling of oneness we had shared so easily in the beginning.
Because she went to a parochial school, there was an annual retreat for all seniors. Evidently the students thought that going on retreat was like a week at Club Med. They boarded the bus with their guitars and racquetball gear. Little did they realize that this was going to be an emotional encounter that could have a lasting impression on them?As parents of the participants, we were asked to individually write a letter to our child, being open and honest and to write only positive things about our relationship. I wrote a letter about the little golden-haired girl who had brought me a bowl of soup when I needed care. During the course of the week, the students'delved deeper into their real beings. They had an opportunity to read the letters we parents had prepared for them.
The parents also got together one night during that week to think about and send good thoughts to our children. While she was away, I noticed something come out of me that I knew was there all along, but which I hadn't faced. It was that in order to be fully appreciated I had to plainly be“me”.I didn't have to act like anyone else. I wouldn't be overlooked if I was true to myself. I just had to be the best me I could be. It may not sound like much to anyone else, but it was one of the biggest revelations of my life.
The night arrived when they came home from their retreat experience. The parents and friends who had come to pick them up were asked to arrive early, and then invited into a large room where the lights were turned down low. Only the lights in the front of the room were shining brightly.
The students marched joyously in, all dirty-laced as though they had just come back from summer camp. They filed in arm-in-arm, singing a song they had designated as their theme for the week. Through their smudgy laces, they radiated a new sense of belonging and love and self-confidence.
一头美丽的金发，围着一条粉红色的小披肩。那是我第一次见到她，当时才4岁的她手里正端着一碗汤。那时我29岁，正患着流感。我根本没有意识到这个小女孩将会改变我的一生。
我和她妈妈是多年的好友，随着友情的不断升华，我们从彼此关怀到相互爱恋，最终步入了婚姻的殿堂。婚姻让我们三个人组成了一个家庭。起初，我还不太习惯，因为在潜意识里，继父这个角色似乎很虚幻，缺乏真实感，在现实中更像是孩子与生父之间的一道感情屏障，而我担心自己也会被贴上继父这个可怕的标签。
为了让自己自然地过渡到父亲的角色，我很早就开始努力。婚前一年半的时候，我住到了与她们家相隔不过几个街区的公寓。结婚的事敲定后，我除了尽力多花时间适应从朋友到父亲的转变，也努力不让自己成为未来的女儿和她生父之间的一堵墙。但我也希望能在她的生命中有着特殊的地位。
我对她的了解多年来日益增加。她的正直、真挚和率真都超过了同龄人。我知道，她的内心世界就像一个甘愿奉献又很富同情心的成年人。我还一直担心，我会不会因为不是她的生父而心生芥蒂。毕竟某一天我会走入她的生活，成为她的监护人。如果我不是她的“生父”，那她何必要听我的呢？此后，我的言行举止都变得极其小心，表现得比以前更加慈爱。这一切都是希望能博得她的喜欢与认同。长久以来，我一直充当着自认为应该扮演的角色，有时还认为自己做得不够好或不称职。
她十几岁时，正处于叛逆的年龄，我们的感情似乎疏远了。我感到非常失望和哀伤，当初我们可以轻松地分享一切，而现在那种独一无二的感觉已日渐远去。她开始尝试寻找自我定位，而我也一样。我仿佛失去了对她的控制（或是家长幻想出的控制）。我也发现我们越来越难以沟通了。
在教区学校，像她这样的高年级学生要参加一年一度的“避静”（注：罗马天主教的一段祈祷、思考和学习宗教的时期）。这些学生带着吉他和墙球装备上了车，显然，他们以为“避静”就像是在Med俱乐部过上一个星期。他们没意识到这将是他们难忘的情感撞击。学校要求参与者的家长各自给孩子写一封信，要求公开诚实，并要写出亲情中积极的一面。我在信中写了一个金发小女孩的故事，她在我最需要关怀的时候为我端来了一碗汤。学生们在这一星期中会更深入地探究他们最真实的自我，并有机会读到父母为他们准备的信。
在那周的一个晚上，家长们也聚在一起，探讨如何给孩子传递积极的思想。当她离家时，我注意到一些从前没有去面对，却一直存在的想法。为了获得充分赏识，我必须展示自我，不能再扮演其他人。只要展示出真正的自己，我就不会被忽视。我要做的就是尽力做最优秀的自己。也许对他人而言，这并非大事，但对我来说它是人生最大的启迪之一。
“避静”归来的那个晚上，学校通知接孩子的家长和朋友早些到，并将他们邀请到一个大屋子里。在那里，除了前面的灯明亮耀眼外，其他的灯光都已调弱。
学生们一个个脸蛋脏兮兮地进场了，他们快乐得好像刚从夏令营回来。他们手拉手，唱着避静周的主题歌排队走了进来。看到他们脏兮兮的脸蛋，我知道他们对拥有、爱和自信都有了新的认识。
词汇笔记
mythically['miθik?l]adj.神话地；虚构地
Some of these may have migrated in a way mythically.
他们中的一些以一种神话般的方式移民了。
bachelor['b?t??l?]n.单身汉；学士
He is still a bachelor.
他仍是光棍。
compassionate[k?m'p???nit]adj.有同情心的；斟酌情况的
She was allowed compassionate leave from work to attend her father's funeral.
她获准丧假为父亲送葬。
disciplinarian[,disipli'n??ri?n]n.执行纪律的人；严师
He's a good teacher but he's not much of a disciplinarian.
他是个好教师，但不是个很好的纪律执行者。
小试身手
我根本没有意识到这个小女孩将会改变我的一生。
译____________________________
但我也希望能在她的生命中有着特殊的地位。
译____________________________
当她离家时，我注意到一些从前没有去面对，却一直存在的想法。
译____________________________
短语家族
I thought I would be stuck with the dreaded label of“stepfather.”
stuck with：被迫接受；继续做；以卖给
造____________________________
The students delved deeper into their real beings.
delve into：钻研
造____________________________